Backsliding isn’t the end of your story. It’s the moment where God proves just how relentless His love really is. We don’t talk about it enough. The truth is, many of us have fallen away, drifted, or straight-up run from God.
Whether it happened slowly or all at once, the guilt, shame, and silence can feel louder than His grace. Most of the time, it happens because we lack knowledge, faith, or a real prayer life. But here’s the good news: God doesn’t give up on prodigals.
This is my story of how He called me back — and how He can do the same for you.
Finding Faith After Hard Times: How God Restored My Life and Purpose
My life was anything but smooth sailing. I was always different—what some would call “weird.” From as early as 11 years old, I began struggling with rejection, people-pleasing, abandonment, and a deep longing for belonging. I was that overly developed pre-teen who figured out how to get attention from boys because it seemed like the only positive attention I was getting. I didn’t know how to mind my business, aggressively defended my friends (even the wrong ones), and couldn’t recognize a frenemy to save my life. So, you can imagine, betrayal and hurt were regular in my life.
Between the ages of 11 and 21, I never truly felt loved. I was put out of my home at 15, bouncing around from place to place, searching for stability, affirmation, and identity. Friends? Sure, I had them, but most turned out to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. You know the kind: hugging you tight enough to feel the pressure, but never realizing they were slowly draining the life out of you.
I had a short-lived relationship that gave me hope, but reality hit when I got pregnant with my eldest daughter. It was terrifying. Living with PCOS, I never thought I could conceive. But there I was, jobless, confused, and starting to question if this relationship was truly for me. It wasn’t. Still, that experience was a setup for the breakthrough God was preparing.
Returning to God After Falling Away
On New Year’s Eve of 2018, I got saved at about 24 years old. I was done with the cycle of brokenness, the overwhelming depression, and anxiety after my breakup. God met me in my lowest moment and began the work of deliverance; freeing me from a smoking addiction that had me chained. I was baptized in September 2019 and that new believer fire kicked in strong. If you know, you know.
I was reading my Bible, attending church weekly, diving into sermons, taking notes, and feeling loved by my church community. I even got chosen occasionally to represent the youth at conferences and read morning scripture. But deep down, I still felt a void. I had religion, but not a relationship. I was that person Jesus described in Matthew 7:21: “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Then came a night that changed everything. Summer rolled in, and I started feeling bored. Bored in Christ. That thought should have been immediately cast down. According to 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, spiritual warfare begins in the mind. But instead of putting on the full armor of God as outlined in Ephesians 6:13-17, I gave into the flesh.
I called a friend I knew would be down to party. We all have one. That person you know will always say yes to a night of mischief. I returned to the very thing God delivered me from. I never made it to Proverbs 26:11 until much later. Nor did I apply 1 Corinthians 15:33. I was still mixing light with darkness, and that one night out led to 2.5 years away from God.
“As a dog returns to his vomit, so fools repeat their folly”
Proverbs 26:11
“Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
1 Corinthians 15:33
Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor
Faith and Mental Health
During that time, I spiraled. Depression returned, and anxiety became my daily companion. Living in a false sense of hope, I got married when I found out I was pregnant. Where again, I was looking for a way out less than a month after being married. But not knowing the truth (God’s Word), I couldn’t walk in it.
But even then, God’s love never stopped pursuing me. In 2023, I came back. I recommitted my life and began walking with Him for real this time. God began restoring my faith piece by piece.
I realized I couldn’t keep straddling the fence. I couldn’t keep going to church and still living like I used to Monday through Saturday. I needed to truly surrender. And that surrender brought me peace, purpose, and a sense of belonging I never had before.
Purpose After Pain
Today, I can boldly say: God used every painful experience to reveal my purpose. What once felt like punishment was actually preparation. My testimony is a resource now. What I thought disqualified me, God uses to qualify me to speak life into others. Especially women who feel like they’ve gone too far to return. Spoiler alert: you haven’t.
Christian Community for Women
Sister, if this resonates with you, if you’ve ever felt like you were too lost, too broken, or too far from God; I want you to know this: You are never too far gone. There’s a Christian community for women just like you. Women who have fallen away and found their way back. Women who have struggled but are now strong. Women who thought their story was over but realized God was just beginning to write the best chapters. Let us help strengthen you.
Devotional eBook for Women
That’s why I wrote Leaving the Chaos: Restored Faith—a devotional ebook for women who’ve walked away from God and are ready to come home. It’s inspired by my journey and filled with real moments, encouragement, scripture focused, and reflection prompts to guide you back into alignment with Him.
Start Your Journey
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Christian Empowerment Resources
Let this be your invitation. You don’t need to have it all together. You don’t need to fix yourself first. God loved you first. And He’s calling you back to Him—not to punish you, but to restore you.
Book a free 20-minute Real Restoration Call to connect and create a customized plan for you based on where you are at. Start reading Leaving the Chaos: Restored Faith today and let it be the beginning of your return.
Follow me on Instagram @thejourneywithkedesha for more encouragement, faith talks, and community support. Because you were never meant to stay stuck. You were created to rise.
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